I want to stick my p in your. b.
Nicole vs. Life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
