I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
