She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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