today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
