They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize