so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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