oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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