i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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