Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
