He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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