am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
