Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
