Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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