What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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