I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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