Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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