We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
