I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
