I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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