How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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