Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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