who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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