you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
