so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
