I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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