Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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