then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Found the puke drawer
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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