Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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