who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
