that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
