Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
