Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
