Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
