tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
