just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
