i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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