She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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