I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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