There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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