i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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