It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
