My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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