I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize