Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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