Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
