you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
