you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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