peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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