when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
