It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
