Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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