Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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