When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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