some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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