I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
