Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
