do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have fence marks all over my body
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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