Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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