Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
