Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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