if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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