i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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