i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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