Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
why is half of my head shaved?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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