Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
