We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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