And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
