does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
People in love make me want to vomit
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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