You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
