Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
