an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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