so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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