Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
