I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
