My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Randomize
