woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize