You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm at about main and main street
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
