dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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