And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
