fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
