The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
