Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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