Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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