god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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