Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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