Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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