He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
