ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
