Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
