I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
