Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize