hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
