My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
