Whod you bang
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
