my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
