And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
