i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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