so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
