You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A+ Viking dick
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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