It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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