I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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