I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
