I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize