she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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