Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
