I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
