That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
