the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
